The Catamite Misimpression
by Imadra Blue
Summary: While on a mission to a planet of a highly sexualized alien race, Anakin and Obi-Wan are mistaken for something they are, in fact, not, and would never dream of being. At least, not often. Pre-slash.


**Disclaimer:** Still not George Lucas.  
**Notes:** For Modillian on the occasion of her birthday. Set two years prior to AotC.

--

Anakin absently scratched at his shoulder, wondering exactly what the Koylians had used for laundry detergent when washing his Jedi robes last night. Patches of his skin were inflamed red, and Anakin was itching in places he hadn't even realized existed. There was a spot on his back he couldn't quite reach, and though he longed to strip naked and rub himself along a wall, he had a feeling that might impair Obi-Wan's progress with the Koylian Council trade agreements.

Being ignorant of the Koylian language, Anakin had no idea what anyone was saying. He just smiled when Obi-Wan elbowed him in the ribs and did more bowing and hand-shaking than he had in the past seven years under Obi-Wan's tutelage. He spent the rest of the time in the impressive Council chambers, staring at wall murals. He quickly deduced from the multiple graphic images of the hairless, gray-skinned Koylians engaging in various types of orgies that he and Obi-Wan were dealing with a highly-sexualized species.

Koylian males had three penises -- or was that penii? -- which Anakin found mildly disturbing. The nude depictions of the four-breasted Koylian females almost made up for it, though. Since Koylians typically had at least three children with every pregnancy, he knew that difference was easily explained, but for the life of him couldn't figure out what the males needed three penises for. He was tempted to have Obi-Wan ask, but refrained, mostly because he feared Obi-Wan's reaction, not the Koylians'.

Anakin scratched at his chest, tearing his gaze off the painting of the prophet Juhander receiving oral sex from his wife, concubine, and first disciple all at once. When he looked at Obi-Wan, his Master had risen and was bowing to the Prime Minister, Horatay. Anakin quickly did the same, though was unable to stop scratching. He itched badly enough to fantasize about immersing himself naked in soothing skin cream. Obi-Wan frowned at him, then followed the Prime Minister and his entourage to the throne room down the hall. Anakin noted the wall murals only got more explicit and varied as they walked through the ancient Koylian palace. Apparently, the Koylians didn't wish to glorify their wars like most societies, but rather their sexual exploits.

The Koylian politicians wore rather concealing robes with high collars and dark cloth. All their servants wore the more revealing and less voluminous clothing typical of the race, which left Obi-wan quite scandalized by the amount of bare flesh being paraded about the ornate palace. Despite the modesty of the politicians, Anakin bet they weren't wearing any underwear. As Anakin's genitals started to itch, he wished he wasn't, either.

Obi-Wan and the Prime Minister continued talking. Anakin walked a respectful distance behind Obi-Wan, trying not to wriggle too much as he scratched his crotch. He was as discreet as possible, though one of the Prime Minister's concubines noticed and giggled at him. He flashed her a small smile, eyed the four impressive mounds on her chest, and scratched his arms. He hoped he could get back to their rooms soon, so he could make that fantasy of skin cream immersion a reality.

The throne room had been built for the ancient kings of Koylia, large and impressive. Stacks of large, lush red pillows lined the walls, though they weren't high enough to obscure the images. Anakin had been told the pillows were for the orgies often held there. He wondered if Obi-Wan and he would be invited or not, but suspected even if they were, Obi-Wan would decline. Boring prude. Of course, it was probably for the best. Once the Koylians discovered their peach-skinned guests only had one penis each, they would no doubt consider Anakin and Obi-Wan boring and sexually limited.

Anakin stopped scratching his belly when he realized the Prime Minister was grinning at him. He froze and smiled back warily. The Prime Minister said something to Obi-Wan. When Obi-Wan spun on his heel and stared at Anakin in alarm, Anakin wondered if he'd made some sort of social _faux pas_ by scratching his balls in public.

"Anakin," said Obi-Wan, licking his lips, "are you feeling all right?"

"Not really. I think I'm allergic to their laundry detergent. My robes are really itchy right now."

Obi-Wan looked relieved. "Head back to our quarters and take a shower. Throw your robes into the disposal chute and borrow some of mine. I'll be there shortly."

Anakin bowed and hurried down the wide hallway off to the side and to the stairs leading up to the guest room they'd been given. He raked his fingernails over his legs, hardly able to get up the stairs. He tripped twice, but managed it without breaking his neck. He raced down to the silver door to their rooms, smacking the open button repeatedly until the doors finally slid apart. He already had his tunic off before passing through the doorway. He was naked by the time the door closed behind him.

Running towards the 'fresher as though his life depended on it, Anakin made the door open with the Force so he could just dive through it and into the shower. He palmed the water on, making it as hot as possible. It streamed over his itching body, and he grabbed the bottle of soap. He sighed in relief as soon as the soap slid over his skin. He felt almost human again. It wasn't as good as being able to wallow in a vat of skin cream, but it was certainly an improvement. Anakin soaped and re-soaped himself, twisting athletically to get every inch of him washed off. The itching had been _intolerable_.

"Anakin?" came Obi-Wan's voice after some time. "You better get out here. I have some skin cream you'll need to apply."

Anakin reluctantly left the shower stall and dried himself off. He glanced at the large mirror over the sink; huge red blotches had appeared all over his body. He touched one, and it felt hot under his fingertip, as if he'd had a fever. It was a strange feeling, made more so by the fact that he couldn't recall ever actually having a fever to speak of. He didn't normally get sick.

Obi-Wan was sitting on his bed, looking amused when Anakin came out. He held a bottle of white cream in his hand. Anakin walked over to him, reaching for it with one hand while keeping the other hand clutched to the towel wrapped around his slim hips.

"What kind of laundry detergent did they use?" asked Anakin, snatching the bottle from Obi-Wan's hands. "I was going crazy."

Obi-Wan chuckled, watching Anakin slathered the cream onto his inflamed skin. "They, ah... sprayed your clothes with an agent traditionally used to enhance young men's, ah, virility. The Prime Minister had just asked me if it had improved your sexual performance. It seems humans are allergic to whatever they used."

Anakin rubbed some of the cream onto chest, instant relief spreading over his body. The desire to peel his skin off with his teeth finally left him. "My _sexual performance_?" he asked, bewildered as to why the Koylians would ask Obi-Wan something like that.

"Er, they don't seem to quite grasp the term 'apprentice' very well. They think you're my... um, catamite." Obi-Wan's face was starting to turn red, but Anakin had a feeling it wasn't from an allergic reaction.

"Your _what_?"

"Catamite." Obi-Wan licked his lips, his blue-gray eyes looking anywhere but at Anakin. "It, er, is a common practice in some cultures for an older man to take a younger man and instruct him in the... ways of life."

"Well, isn't that what you're doing?"

"I should think not!" Obi-Wan sounded scandalized.

"So what's the difference between a catamite and an apprentice then?"

When Obi-Wan finally spoke, his voice was very small. "A Master would have sex with the former."

Anakin froze, his hands paused on either side of his thighs. "Oh." His voice sounded equally as small. "So they think we...?"

"Yes."

"What did you tell them?"

"I tried to explain to them that while you're my apprentice, you're not _that_ sort of apprentice."

"What do you mean 'tried to explain'?"

"It means my command of their language is not wholly extensive, and they thought I meant you weren't, ah, _pleasing_ me enough, so decided to help by using that sexual-enhancement agent on your robes."

"How generous of them." Anakin felt awkward standing in front of Obi-Wan with just a towel around his hips for the first time in his life. He scolded himself for being so irrational and went back to covering himself with the cream. "Did you straighten it all out?"

"As best I can."

"What do you mean 'as best you can'?"

"Look, my Koylian is good enough to negotiate peace treaties and stop the trade embargo between Koylia and Darikel, but I don't know enough to quite get through to them on more... intimate matters. So, just... be careful about what you eat and drink. Their society is very, very sexual."

"I noticed."

"If it weren't for the fact that I'm the only Jedi who even knows Koylian at all, they wouldn't have assigned anyone with a Padawan to this mission. Although, you are handy to use as an excuse about why I'm declining the invitation to their orgy tonight."

"Aw, Master," complained Anakin, turning around to face the wall so he could apply the lotion to his groin without flashing Obi-Wan. "That could have been fun. Their women have four breasts!"

"And their men have three penises. And they'd want a turn, too. Most Koylians are bisexual."

"Good point."

Obi-Wan shook his head. "Besides, you're far too young for that sort of thing."

"I'll be seventeen next week. I'm not a little boy anymore, Master."

"I've noticed."

To Anakin's surprise, when he turned around, Obi-Wan's hot gaze was fixed on him. Obi-Wan's expression had an edge to it Anakin couldn't easily describe, and Anakin was keenly aware he was mostly naked. Obi-Wan's gaze drifted up Anakin's body to his face. Anakin had thought Obi-Wan's eyes intent from the moment he'd first met him, but he never realized how intent they could really be, like staring at a storm brewing in the sky. Anakin felt very warm, but not from anything to do with his allergic reaction -- this warmth was inside, centered around his abdomen. Obi-Wan looked away after a moment, appearing slightly embarrassed. Anakin didn't know whether to be disappointed or relieved.

"So..." Anakin said after a long stretch of uncomfortable silence. "Why do Koylian males have three penises?"

"From what I understand, Koylian females have three uteruses. I'm not sure about the biological niceties of it all, but I'm not going to ask."

"Why?"

"Because I'm sure they'd not only tell me, but insist I watch a demonstration of how Koylian reproduction works."

Anakin started to laugh. "Master, this is the craziest mission we've ever been on. And I'm counting the one to Borime."

Obi-Wan tossed a tunic and a pair of trousers at Anakin. He was smiling. "I can't disagree. Now, get dressed. I'm going to go downstairs and inform everyone that your, uh, performance was flawless. Hopefully, they'll believe me and won't poison your food and drink with something 'helpful'."

"Well if they do, and it works, just remember I'm on top, Master," said Anakin with a grin.

"If only because I let you, my very young apprentice."

The joke fell flat, and instead of laughing, Anakin suddenly felt very awkward again. Obi-Wan was staring at him oddly, his eyes intent enough that Anakin desperately wanted to put the clothing in his hands on, if for no other reason than it might be easier to breathe. For just a moment, Anakin wondered what it might be like if he _were_ Obi-Wan's catamite, what it would feel like for Obi-Wan to run his hands over Anakin's skin, what it would taste like to have Obi-Wan's tongue sliding along his when they --

Obi-Wan turned on his heel and walked out of the room without another word, breaking Anakin's train of thought. He shuddered and slipped the clothing on, trying to think about something safer than having sex with his Master.

When they left Koylia two days later, Anakin was still struggling not to think about it.

_End._


End file.
